How 'bout it, y'all

I'm hanging out waiting for the Small Daughter to fall asleep when I realize, HEY perfect time to write a small post!!  Just a taste, as it were, of the stories I have...
I've got some epic stories, kids.  Things have happened that truly were not anticipated when I joined the online dating world.  Some good, some HILARIOUSLY bad.

Out of respect for the nice guys out there, I will not give you the good stories, except to say that they are good.  Besides, they are nearly as amusing.

So, onward and upward and all that.

Let's begin.

I joined this lovely (sort of) LDS themed (sort of) site about...2 weeks ago?  Or something like that.  I had originally posted a couple of pics of me and Small Daughter.  They weren't up for long.  Ew.  Creepers.  I took those down right away.  Now, it's just pics of me.  Which, in case you were curious, are smokin' hot.
I've been told, more times than I can count, that I look good for my age.  Whut.  Isn't that a sort of back handed compliment?  "Damn, you old, but you sure look fine for bein' so old!"  Thanks...or something...I think.

So, not two days after joining, I got my first chat window pop up.  There's IM on the site.
-Blah, blah, chat, chat, you pretty, love red hair, if we go out I wanna touch your boobs.
Sorry?
-Yeah, I like to touch boobs.
I...what?  No, sorry.  No, that's not in the contract.  No.
-Oh, well, I can't date a girl who won't let me play with her boobs.
Ok, bye!

Alright, I concur his wording may have been slightly smoother than that, but not much.  Hi, caveman, please go back to your cave.

Within the next couple of days, I got no less than 4 offers for sex.  Couched in semi-polite terms, of course, since we're all Mormons here.  Or something...

At that point I edited my profile.  I had to add a line about if they are trolling for sex, cyber or otherwise, they should seek elsewhere.  Because, EW!  Like I'm gonna run off and bang some dude from the 'net?  I mean, geez, get to know a girl a little first.

And then it happened.  I got the message to end all messages.  Ok, that's a lie, because it escalated.
Stay tuned for the dark, unholy tale...